The last month I have had some enlightenment on my "friendships". People I assumed were my friends, even if we weren't super close, have appeared to be different then I first thought.
Ok, so I'm pretty weird and I worry a lot about having friends and not having friends and I really do my best to get people to like me. It's kind of pathetic. But I have the feeling I'm getting less and less pathetic. I care less I think. Some people don't like me. Big deal. Others do. So everything will be alright (I keep trying to convince myself).
In October I had a clash with people I used to call friends. I ended up losing a hand full of friends. No, not friends, fake friends. I'm actually glad this happened. I am really fond of the idea of truth. I want truth in my friendships. If you don't mean it gtfo. Ok, goodbye gossip asses. Idec.
Friday I hung out with another friend of mine "J". We go back pretty far (for me then, I can't seem to keep friends for long). But I feel very disappointed in her. As we went along talking and walking about I got the impression she is scared. Scared doing something new, scared of being different. I don't really want to hang out with some one like that. I'm also glad I found this out now.
It's like I like losing friends :s
No. I don't. But I like my friendships to be real. I can count the people I trust on one hand (Huimin, Xian, Valerie, Chris, Zak). I'm not saying these friendships are perfect, but they are worth it. Quality over quantity. Fuck popularity.